"You are my Everest"

The words of Joey Tribbiani sum it up well for me.

Not with eating a whole turkey ..but with breastfeeding. I dont know how anyone does it with one let alone twins. Jenny- HOW? HOW did you do it?! I have been strictly pumping and obviously my supply is not matching their needs. I have to give them some formula,too. I love the way they drink the breastmilk and HATE the way they drink the formula..they act lke they are choking it down sometimes. Anyways, I decided last night to just switch to strictly nursing and it was HELL. I nurse Jasper for 15 mins on one side while I am trying tokeep Embry happy with just a binky in his mouth (they are on the same schedule, so both were hungry) Then Jasper just snacks ..takes a few sucks and stops forever . Then I put a still hungry Jasper down...and pick up Embry and try to feed him for 15 minutes on the other breast. He just keeps falling asleep (At least they are pretty good at latching so I cant complain there) I do this for seriously almost 2 hours straight. All the while ..Bastien is wreaking havoc all over the house. He got out frozen chicken nuggets and was eating them saying "mmm nummy" then spitting them out everywhere saying "OLD!" So the 2 hours is up with me switching each kid every 15 minutes....(there's no way I could hold them both at each breast ...cause I am still getting used to just one there) and I go put Bastien in bed ..come back, and they are both screaming bloody murder like they havent been fed at all. I felt like crying because my 'nips' had turned into hamburger meat by then (sorry TMI) and just made some formula and gave it to them. (cause I didnt pump beforehand..cause I had a different idea of how this was going to turn out)

I gave up last night...but still havent yet given up on the idea. This weekend is going to be pretty busy with errands and my brothers baby blessing in Maricopa..so I'm not going to have any time to just devote to feeding ALL DAY LONG AND NIGHT (thats gonna suck) So I think I'm going to re-attempt this on Sunday night or MOnday. I wonder why I am torturing myself sometimes with my obsession with breastfeeding this time. But then I remember all the colic/formula crap I went through with Bastien and I know it will be worth it. There's nothing wrong with formula feeding your baby. Bastien turned out to be a perfectly healthy kid who hardly gets sick..with the exception of this flu season...Also, I am not by any means a Breastfeeding nazi (well that's obvious!)..I actually HATED it when people would make comments to me about Bastien not being breastfed. I've heard anywhere from ...someone telling me " It's just so much better for your baby" while I am sitting there holding a bottle of formula in my 5 month olds mouth...to...an extreme comment like "I thought you were breastfeeding? OH yeah...you gave up on that one, huh?" The reason I want to do it is (besides that the babies are doing so well on BM) is to prove to myself that I can at least once and also to freaking burn 1000 calories a day (nursing twins) ! Anyways, I will be amazed if you actually made it through this blog...good night I gotta go get some sleep while I can!

We think they're SO fraternal....what'd you think?

Embry

Jasper

Is it just me and Steven? But dont you think they look different? Some have said they look identical...But, I mean yeah, they both look like newborns still so its hard to tell FOR SURE yet...But we both think they look completely different. Embry looks more like my baby pics..he has darker hair and he's got tanner skin.BIG eyes that are WIDE open all the time. Jasper has Steven's forehead ..he's got the blonde highlights in his brown hair that steven has. Besides looking different..they are both night and day in their personalities so far. Embry is more high maintinence ..he is constantly wanting to be held. It makes me feel bad cause Jasper is so laid back that I feel like I am paying more attention to Embry. But Jasper is such a good baby! I should be thankful though that they both arent stinkers!

Embry, Jasper

Poor Jasper is losing his hair on top just like Bastien did! He is the only baby i've had that had a reasonable amount of hair when he was born and he's losing it! He looks like a little old man...bald on top. Bastien's old man head only lasted a couple months so lets hope Jasper's does too!

Jane Austen

I just saw this last week and it made me want to read all of her books. Pride and prejudice, Emma, and Sense and Sensibility are 3 movies that I can watch over and over. Seriously, I'll rewind the part at the end of Sense and sensibility a few times, where Edward proposes ..then I wanna watch it again. I dont know about the ending of Pride and Prejudice where he says "Mrs. Darcy...Mr's Darcy, Mr's Darcy Mr's Darcy.." a million times..that was kinda akward.

Anyways, I figured since I LOVE the movies..the books will probably be even better..I dont know why I havent already read them.

I'll start with Emma. Because I have that book but never read it. Then there are other's she wrote that I havent even seen the movies. Like ...

Persuasion ( I almost rented it once, but the people on the cover were ugly...sorry I'm shallow when it comes to movies..) Oh and,

Mansfield Park, Lady Susan, Northanger Abbey, and of course Pride and Prejudice, and Sense and Sensiblilty. If any of you have read these books..let me know which ones to start with. I'm trying to figure out which part of the day I can find some reading time...since I cant even find any sleeping time. I guess if I still find time to blog..i'll find some time to read:) Once the babies start sleeping through the night..I'll have more time! But things are getting better though! They both slept 4 hours last night! 11:30- 3:30! That was the most amazing sleep ever..I've never felt so rejuvenated at 3:30 am!

By the way, wasnt James McAvoy strangely hot in "Becoming Jane" ?

I never thought I'd think Mr. Tumnus was attractive

It makes me wanna see that movie "Atonement"

Twilight cast

Peter Facinelli is Carlisle

Elizabeth Reaser is Esme

Ashley Greene is Alice (she is my favorite out of all these people casted, and looks like a perfect Alice! )

Jackson Rathbone is Jasper (they had better pictures of him, but I hope he is a little older than this now..cause he looks too young for Jasper in this picture.) Kellan Lutz is Emmett

Nikki Reed is Rosalie..?

( I am so confused by this one..she doesnt look like a Rosalie at all. I guess if they give her lighter hair..she might.)

Cam Cigandet is James Rachelle Lefevre is Victoria

Michael Welch is Mike Newton

*credits* some of these pictures that were manipulated were made by fans on http://community.livejournal.com/twilight_film/

You can go to http://www.twilightlexicon.com/ to see the cast ..I dont think they have a Jacob yet, their website is under construction so I couldnt check.

Jasper's home!

Jasper got to come home on Friday! They put him on Propanolol, and sent me home with a stethoscope to listen to his heart rate before I give him the medicine to make sure it's not too low or too high. Too low would be 70 and and too high would be 190, they said. He seems to be keeping his heart rate somewhere between 120 and 160, which is good! Stress definitely affects milk supply cause it seems to have died these last couple days and I have been having to supplement more with formula, because they are really big eaters! At 2-3 weeks Bastien was drinking 2 oz if we were lucky every 3 hours. Embry can down 5 oz almost! (this is pumped breast milk and formula) Jasper eats around 3-4 oz every 3 hours. I've decided to only pump because lets face it I'm not very good at sticking with breastfeeding. And its SO hard with 2! It's tricky even bottlefeeding 2 at once cause their necks are all wobbly right now and its hard to keep both bottles in there mouths with only 2 hands. But I like the whole bottle thing because Steven can help me, which gives me a break. And he's so good about it. He usually gets up at least once with me at night to help feed them. These past weeks I have had help from my mom, so when it's just me...I have a plan to trap Bastien in his toy/tv room with me while I feed them so he's not off sitting in the sink eating toothpaste like he was today or opening "mommy's bandaids" and sticking them all over his body! (see below)

Anyways, I have mixed feelings about pumping because its like..I feed them, then I have to pump. It's a long ordeal and it feels like I am doing it ALL day! But I think it would be hard in the beginning no matter what I decide to do! I just cant wait until they can hold their own bottles. Before this whole Jasper ordeal I was getting like 6 0z total every 3-4 hours pumping..which the lactation nurse said was really good. Now I am getting around 4 0r 5 ..but I am slowly building it back up. Anyways, this is all really boring...but this is my life right now..I am a 24/7 milk factory! Well anyways, here are some pictures I have taken lately.

Jasper and Embry

2 weeks old

Jasper in the NICU (the day he came home)

Embry and Jasper yesterday

Jasper today Embry Jasper and Bastien

Bastien didnt want to be left out of the swaddling Bastien found the pads that I got from the hospital and we found him in the bathroom with these on his legs, he calls them "mommy's bandaids"

it's been a while...

I havent had the internet for almost 2 weeks! 

Yesterday was REALLY scary! Jasper is in the NICU for his heart! On Monday at his 2 week checkup the doctor said his heart rate was a little faster than he'd like and wanted to see him again on Wednesday. So yesterday he said it went even higher and he had me go straight to a cardiologist near Banner Desert and they did an EKG (dont know what it stands for) but it checks your heart rythym. Well the nurse leaves the room with the results and 5 minutes later like 5 people come into the room along with the cardiologist and they are saying that he needs to go to the ER right now! I started freaking out inside and couldnt stop the tears.  The doctor didnt want to wait for the paramedics to come. He just wanted to walk him over. He had me go with him and he is like, running to the ER! I am still FREAKING out but trying not to lose it again. It was so sad to see him getting all hooked up to monitors and an iv. They gave him medicine which made his heart rate go down, But they said they would have to keep him in the NICU for a few days. They said what he has is called SVT and it basically means his heart is beating so fast that its not  pumping oxygen and blood to the rest of his body properly. They did an ultrasound of his heart and his heart looked perfect..which is a big relief cause that means no surgery or anything. The doctor told me that he will most likely have to be on medication for at least 6 months and its something they usually grow out of. I'm so glad he is doing ok! The nurses in the NICU thought he was so cute and thought he was a HUGE baby..because they are used to having preemies in there. I love my little Jasper and hope he gets to come home soon! I hate that I live  45 minutes away from Banner Desert!  

I will blog more as soon as I get the internet next week. I'm at my sisters right now. 

Give me your email address!

I'm gonna turn my blog private in like a week or so. So leave me your email address so I can add it to my blog!

You can also email it to me: salenabena05@msn.com

My stay at the hospital ...birth story

We were all ready Sunday night to go to bed and wake up bright and early to be at the hospital 5am on Monday morning. Then the hospital called and said that my doctor's flight had been delayed and wouldnt be in until later Monday. They said luckily they had an opening at 5pm. Sunday had already gone by SO slow! Another few hours seemed like torture! But my mom took Bastien a little early and we got to go see a movie before we went to the hospital. We saw "27 dresses" ..which was really good! Then we went to the hospital at 3. We ended up getting pushed back another hour and a half because there was a lady there who was also having twins that had to have an emergency csection. So they were born at 6:38 and 6:39 pm! After they gave me the spinal block I laid down and felt SO nauseous!! Finally after giving me something for it I started to feel great. And I could actually see the surgery a little bit because the light that was above me had a stainless steel part that kinda worked like a mirror. It didnt gross me out at all, I kinda wish they wouldve just let me watch it. But I could kinda see each baby being pulled out! Their little cries were so cute! I was "glued" back together with something called "derma bond" I thought that was kinda cool, last time I had staples. So after, they moved me to the recovery room where they gave the babies a sponge bath. My face started itching like Crazy! They said that was normal and gave me something for it. I was worried that my recovery room experience might be like last time where I had fierce abdominal pain and the nurses had to push on my stomach, and it wasnt numb anymore. But nope, this time I felt great! I think it had something to do with not going through all that labor before hand and also I think this time my doctor really cleaned out my uterus so I didnt have a lot of clots. We got to our room and had some visitors...My mom and da, my sister Ana and Bastien came! It was so fun to see Bastien see them. He was trying to tickle the babies, it was really cute. Then Steven's sister Becca came and Steven's Dad and Stepmom Donna. The first night they had me get up and walk to the bathroom and it honestly wasnt that bad. I think it was so bad last time cause I had waited a whole day before I got up. Walking around after suregery actually makes you feel tons better. The second day is a different story...I was in alot of pain most of the day with terrible gas pains and they wouldnt take out my IV or give me percoset OR let me eat until I passed gas. (gross, but hey this is a birth story) I finally got to eat at 11pm (28 hours later..I hadnt eaten since 8 am monday morning) But we had alot of visitors Tuesday, too. My sister Mary and her husband. My brother Sione. Brian and Sarah (Steven's brother and wife) and my (soon to be) sister in law Kendra. Wednesday and Thursday were better. I dont even remember Wednesday. But Thursday the boys were circumcised at 5 am and then at around noon we got to go home! I really liked the new hospital and the romms were pretty fancy with their flat screen tv's and when I finally got to eat on Wednesday they have room service! They have a menu with breakfast lunch and dinner and you can call and order anytime between 7am-7pm and they will bring you what you order. And the food was pretty good, too. Also, the nurses were awesome which always makes it a better experience. A couple hours after they were born Embry Vuna Jasper Tevita

They had this everyday at 3..A lady would wheel this old fashioned stoller full of cookies around to each room. I thought it was so cute! (Thanks again Ana, for taking all these pictures so I could put them on my blog!)